Category: onlinedatinghorrorstories

Regular

I was only able to screenshot the first few pages but then after he unmatched me it obviously disapeared so I had to type the last page from memory, so it may not be verbatim but it is the general gist and as much as I can remember.

Tinder dude: Hi A, happy new year.

Me: Thanks, you too.

Tinder dude: I was hoping to start the year as I mean to go on.

Me: An excellent philosophy, I quite agree.

Tinder dude: You do? Well that’s good because I want to start it off with me inside you. How about you?

Me: I started it off with a one night stand with some random at the pub but yeah sounds good.

Tinder dude: So you are naughty. 😉

Me: Well depends on which definition one uses. Legally yes.

Tinder dude: And you like one night stands?

Me: Yes. I only have them.

Tinder dude: what so never any ongoing casual NSA fun?

Me: Nope. I’m not into that. I think it’s disgusting.

Tinder dude: Huh? How? But whatever- when you going to let me be in you?

Me: Whenever you desire…..

Tinder dude: Fuck yes. I can’t wait to be so deep inside you that you scream.

Me: Dude I’m not an oblivetron, I don’t absorb people. And if I was I’d likely be a discerning one and you might not make the grade.

Tinder dude: Lol okay then. You a bit weird hey?

Me: 👌

Tinder dude: So this weekend suit?

Me: Sure.

Tinder dude: Excellent. When and where?

Me: Say Saturday night?

Tinder dude: Sweet. Time? Place?

Me: About 2 am, [local lake which is big and would be deserted at that time of night]. Somewhere nobody hears you scream.

Tinder dude: 2am? Wtf? And you mean hears you scream?

Me: Yes. And no, defo you who will be screaming.

Tinder dude: Nah, I don’t do butt stuff unless it’s me in yours.

Me: I don’t intend to do that to you.

Tinder dude: This is not weird.

Me: That’s what random pub dude said nye.

Tinder dude: Have you heard from him since?

Me: No. I can’t. Though apparently there’s a chick in the mountains that gives good readings but I don’t want my secrets coming out. I hate the idea of being in jail.

Tinder dude: Wtaf?

Me: What? So Saturday then?

Tinder dude: Only if it’s earlier. Can’t I come yours?

Me: No. I like to keep a sterile environment and I don’t want anything that could get me in trouble. It’s all well and good being naughty until you end up in jail.

Tinder dude: WTF

Me: Don’t shout. It’s rude.

Tinder dude: Fucking explain this shit now!

Me: I don’t take orders. Well only from one man but we won’t go imuo that.

Tinder dude: Beginning to see why you don’t do casual ongoing. The guys would see your nuts.

Me: 1) Gramnar. You mean you’re nuts. Not you me nuts. Because I don’t have any. Except the ones hanging off my mirror in my Ute on the farm. They belonged to my first. 2) No that’s not why I do t have sex with them again. It’s because it’s disgusting.

Tinder dude: You are crazy. But for the record sex with me again and again isn’t disgusting. Just gets better even.

Me: No trust me it would be disgusting if I had sex with you more than once. I’d go from naughty to legally naughty and legally insane if you believe the DSM definition and the legal one.

Tinder dude: I’m over this. This apps to fuck not chat.

Me: Agreed. So: Saturday night, 2am, the lake? We will fuck. I will literally fuck your brains out. Then I’ll take you to my property and make sure you disappear. Hence why a second time would be wrong. I’m not some crazy sick fuck who has sex with dead bodies. Though I know some serial killers roll like that but it’s just no my jam.

Tinder dude: Thanks.

Me: You’re welcome. That’s like so totes sweet!!! I’ve not had that before- is it thanks for having sex with you before killing you (I’m a bit like the black widow spider and should I ever get caught that’s the name I want in the media!) or for not having sex with you after I kill you?

Tinder dude: No it’s thanks for wasting my time you Bitch

*And here he unmatched me. Before I could even beg him not to turn me into the cops!*

The fuck….?

The fuck….?

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He didn’t want to come play at my crib.

He didn’t want to come play at my crib.

He didn’t want to come play at my crib.

He didn’t want to come play at my crib.

He didn’t want to come play at my crib.

He didn’t want to come play at my crib.

Don’t know why he deleted or blocked me after that. Surely…

Don’t know why he deleted or blocked me after that. Surely it was a fair reply….

PART 2 OF 2. So #untrollableguy is the same as always. I was…

PART 2 OF 2.

So #untrollableguy is the same as always. I was going to out needy him but that’s just impossible so I made up the mummy and no sex thing to see if that would change things. He hasn’t changed in that he wants a pic and to meet up straight away and when-God forbid- you don’t answer straight away because you aren’t logged on he cracks it. As you can see he doesn’t take it well when I am not online and when I try to tell him he comes across as needy and that raises red flags as well as his temper he won’t see it!

PART 1 OF 2: So #untrollableguy is the same as always. I was…

PART 1 OF 2:

So #untrollableguy is the same as always. I was going to out needy him but that’s just impossible so I made up the mummy and no sex thing to see if that would change things. He hasn’t changed in that he wants a pic and to meet up straight away and when-God forbid- you don’t answer straight away because you aren’t logged on he cracks it. As you can see he doesn’t take it well when I am not online and when I try to tell him he comes across as needy and that raises red flags as well as his temper he won’t see it!