Fatgirl problems example #7: the heat (and the beach/river/pool.).
I actually quite like the heat- there’s nothing better than paddling in the cool water and then going and having an ice cold beer on a hot day. However as a bigger girl this scenario sees me anxious as fuck. Because there’s not much worse than when it’s super hot and you are sweating in your tee and knee length shorts because you don’t want to wear a tank top, or shorts above the knee, or a dress, or a playsuit, or anything over bathers because it makes you look too fat and you can’t go swimming because you are too self conscious to go when the beach/pool/river is busy.
So while everyone else is keeping cool by playing in the water I don’t want to even lie down in it in case someone calls wildlife help about a beached whale. Of course I act like I only wanted to paddle not fully immerse myself in the nice cold water so that people don’t feel bad about their swimming but inwardly I’m envious as fuck. (Hopefully next summer I will be less self conscious with my new diet.) Instead I’ll be sitting on the sand building the sandcastle to end all sandcastles and try to look super engrossed in it, like it was totally my plan to come the beach or the river and play in sand. Or if I’m at a pool I’ll act like it was totally my plan to just work on my tan.
Another issue the heat presents for pretty much everyone is it makes you sweat. But when you are overweight you sweat more and more easily. (NB: Since I’ve had my thyroid out this has become an even bigger issue for me.) I’ve been known to be sitting in the beer garden somewhere in the low to mid 20’s with the sun beaming down on me and feeling myself get hotter and hotter and being so sure that everyone can see the sweat I feel must be on my shiny tomato red face. Sweat patches under your arms, on your butt, your back, under your boobs etc are not a good look. And FYI deodorant that swears you won’t sweat no matter what you sit on a throne of lies! Maybe make a fat chicks version?
I know some bigger girls just don’t care. I’m like that when I’m on holidays because what are the chances I’ll see someone I know whilst floating in the ocean off one of the islands around Phuket? (Knowing my luck high. It’s like whenever I run down the shops in tank top and shorts I see people I’ve known. Going the shops looking decent I see nobody.) But I’m scared of being judged. These people don’t know all my health issues, they don’t know I’m on a mega diet (essentially existing on coffee and one meal a day), they just think: eww. And it fucking sucks that my lack of self confidence and societies judging can mean us girls with an extra couple of kilos and up have to suffer through summer anxiously awaiting the time when we can cover up again in our baggy pants and hoodies.