Category: badpickuplines



Well- am I right in saying that pickup line wa…

Well- am I right in saying that pickup line was fucked up or is he right in saying I’m boring without a sense of humour?

Honestly I would have loved a convo about wres…

Honestly I would have loved a convo about wrestling and animals…..


Sadly POF wouldn’t let me go back past my message about the cup of tea so I couldn’t screenshot the whole thing. So I had to write out the earlier messages as far as I remembered them. But after that I was able to copy and paste the rest of the chat thankfully.

POF GUY: hi A I’m going 2 smash ur back door in.

ME: Uh yeah, no you’re really not.

POF Guy: Wanna bet babe?

ME: Actually yes. I’ve got a pretty good alarm system. Two tiered actually.

POF GUY: What a dog?

ME: Well yeah I *do* have a dog. She’s ferocious when needs be. Plus she’s spoilt rotten so she’s kinda possessive over me.

POF GUY: What kind?

ME: A chihuahua.

POF GUY: Lmfao. K. What is ur Otha part of alarm? I can disable alarms like in cars and houses.

ME: Probably not the best thing to be admitting here. But no, nothing like that. Smashing my back door in- if you are being metaphorical- will be as messy as fuck.

POF GUY: Nah babe, not messy. Ur just not doing it rite. It’s not messy.

ME: Oh it is!

POF GUY: Trust me hey?

ME: Can I make a confession?


ME: It will be messy because of my issue. It all started with a dodgy Indian curry that was so damn bad I sharted and blew my arse out. Like legit blew it out. It flew out. So I’ve got this thin plastic fake butt instead.


ME: Yeah it’s embarrassing I know.

POF GUY: Ur 1 fucked up bitch.

ME: Harsh. Anyways so when can I expect you? Do you drink tea? I’ll put the kettle on?

POF GUY: Ur the most fucked up bitch I met on here an there r some very fucked up bitches. Stupid arse bitch.

ME: Not entirely sure why I’m fucked up. Sure my arse is a little fucked up what with being a fake plastic butt and all but I sued the buggers and made a fortune so I may be a little fucked up but I’m richly so. Which is why I could afford a customised butt- lovely glitter and swaoraki crystals and just an all round pretty butt. And I’m not the one who’s just admitted to planning to commit a crime……

POF GUY: I’ll commit 2 crimes- smashing ur back door in and kicking ur bitch arse!

ME: Clever. I like to also leave evidence of any crimes I plan to commit on social media (like a fb status saying off to egg a house) or on online dating sites like tinder asking if anyone wants to come steal a car with me. Oh wait- no I don’t! Cos I’m not a fucking moron! Did I tell you about my other prosthetic? This time an eye. There was this annoying as fuck blow fly driving me nuts and I was trying to swipe at it with a fly swatter. No luck so I swapped to an electrified tennis racquet type thing. Well I got the fly but the fucker rebounded off it and hit me in the eye which was then electrocuted and died. So I have a fake eye as well as fake arse.

POF GUY: Why do u talk so much crap? Ur eye is as real as ur ass.

ME: You are quite right- my eye is as real as my arse. They are both equally fake. Unfortunately you can’t exactly bedazzle an eye like you can a fake butt. 🙁

POF GUY: k u need 2 fuck off now. Ur not funny just a fuckwad.

ME: You don’t have to be so discriminatory. I applied to be in the Paralympic thinking a fake butt and fake arse would qualify me but would you believe they said no?!?!

POF GUY: yeh I’m shocked

ME: So I cut off my foot. Well not me exactly. I had to get surgeons to cut it off and they don’t cut off healthy limbs for no reason. So basically I had to get the foot fucked up. Took a lot of work. Now I have a fake foot too- it’s actually wooden because it made me feel slightly like a pirate. But you’ll never guess what happened next?

POF GUY: u got comitted and put in padded cell?

ME: Nope. They *still* won’t let me compete! I mean I’m no athlete. No expert in any sport. But still why can’t I?

POF GUY: Should b able 2 4 being fucked in the head hey?

ME: Really? You think?


ME: Awesome idea! I’ll ring them about it tomorrow. Thank you soooo much. Are you still planning on visiting?

POF GUY: Fuck no. I’m gonna block ur crazy bitch arse!





Guess he didn’t like my options very much because…

Guess he didn’t like my options very much because he’s since blocked me. Shame I was going to give him option 3 come in and have tea with my mummy, daddy, nanny and poppy and the dog and her puppy.

Meet Richard. Or Dick as I prefer to call him. He doesn’t…

Meet Richard. Or Dick as I prefer to call him. He doesn’t take rejection well, has rage issues and a limited vocabulary and pedestrian basic AF insults. What a catch. Am I right ladies? Form an orderly line….


PART 2 OF 2: I was enjoying myself a lot on this one and I…

PART 2 OF 2:

I was enjoying myself a lot on this one and I could have continued this forever and a day!